I write a lot about endurance, trials, and the Atonement. It seems that is something I'm always coming back to. My staff seems to shatter again and again. At times, I feel confident thriving on basic needs like a true warrior and then just as quickly coming to my knees with kryptonite. Recently, I've been having the most difficult trial I could have ever imagined--taking me to dark places within myself that I thought I had left behind me ages ago.
I've tried to fill my time with as many distractions as I can. One of them, was blowing the dust off this blog I haven't touched in months. I started reworking the design, working on the podcast, and reorganizing the posts. Since reworking the labels system I started relabeling the posts that have been written. Because of that, I read a few blog posts and realized a purpose in them that I didn't see before.
It was like I started speaking to myself and giving myself the faith and strength I've needed. This blog has been a journal for me. Reading the blog posts I have written has been like a letter to me reminding me that everything is going to be okay. It hasn't taken away the trial. I still have to endure but reading has brought me new strength and insight.
There's a reason why our prophets and general authorities counsel us to write in our journals. It's not just for the future generations before us. Our journals are also for us. They help us build a relationship with ourselves. My journal has helped me see my faults and is a record of my growth.
Today, there are many ways to record our thoughts and experiences. Blogging is just one of many different ways to write down what your challenges are, what your fears are, share in laughs, share in tears, and tell your secrets. It doesn’t have to be public either. The sharing part could simply be just with yourself.
My journal has also helped me accept myself. I remember when I came off my mission I bought a journal with a dark black cover. I wanted this journal to be authentic and contain all of my authentic thoughts and feelings--even the painful or ugly ones. Reading through that journal I've seen all of my faults and weaknesses. I've also seen a lot of the good things about me too. Seeing me for who I am has helped me accept me. And having accepted myself allows me to feel the most true joy when I'm accepted by others.
Take time for you and write. These blog posts aren't all that long and don't have to be. If you pick up a blog or blow the dust off your journal to write don't feel you have to write a lot. Just write what you need to. I know that when and if you do that you'll be glad that you did. You'll find some release and find strength from your Heavenly Father.